For me, one of the most challenging things about living with chronic depression and anxiety has been the added shame and guilt I feel for not feeling better.
As a child, adolescent, and even as a young adult, it always seemed like my hard feelings were rejected, disliked, unwanted, or a cause of embarrassment. As if, by expressing sadness, or anger, or confusion, I was imposing a burden on my family, my peers, my authority figures, and by extension: the whole world.
Because of the responses I got from the people around me, I decided early on that it was probably better if I didn’t have feelings, or needs.
But I did have feelings. And I did have needs. And I still do.
Uncomfortable emotions are par for the course in human existence. They indicate that we need something. Just like smiling, and laughter, “negative” emotions are part of our communication. But in our emotionally detached society, that form of communication has been lost, or distorted. Because children do not understand how they feel on a logical level, parents often lack the ability to comprehend their calls. This creates a barrier between us, which the child can experience as a lack of care and love.
Of course, some upbringings are far more horrific than most; but even in the most well-intentioned family, subtle neglect, rejection and misunderstandings by our caregivers can cause us to adopt beliefs that haunt our emotional and mental health throughout adulthood.
One common belief that we adopt as children is that our “negative” or challenging emotions are not allowed. Or, our anger/sadness/frustration is bad.
Child Consciousness thinks:
I am bad for feeling this way, because it causes my caregivers not to love me anymore.
I will never have these feelings again.
And I most definitely do not deserve love if I feel that way.
This is just one example of a belief system about emotions adopted at a young age that can cause chronic depression and anxiety later in life.
Though all emotions are important, we learn to shun certain ones and only express others. Suppression of anger, grief, sadness, confusion, overwhelm, etc. is the main cause of depression. This also overwhelms the nervous system, and makes us feel like a ticking time bomb: hence, anxiety.
Not only does the stopping of our natural emotional flow cause emotional unwellness, which by itself sucks; but we may also feel shameful and guilty for not feeling better. Underneath that, there is often a lack of self-love, and sometimes, even self-hatred.
To feel depressed and anxious and unable to give ourselves love in times of emotional discomfort creates an intense inner crisis. This is the storm that has caused me to be suicidal much of my life, and brought me to harm myself throughout adolescence. It’s one thing to have chronic feelings that no one wants; it’s another thing to hate myself, and think I am unworthy of love because of how I feel.
So the work of unraveling our depression and anxiety includes education about childhood psychology, and an exploration of our own experiences with neglect. With guided support, we start to understand the source of our feelings on a deep, embodied level; and we can begin to let go of the shame, guilt, and self-hatred that comes along with having our valid feelings and needs misunderstood and unmet. We learn to love ourselves in all moments, in all emotional states; and restore healthy flow & energy, naturally.
P.S. Doesn’t healing sound like so much fun? (: Seriously, you can feel better – but you must get help! You do not need to suffer. Healing can be gentle and loving, with the right support.
Curious about how you can relieve depression & anxiety and restore flow & freedom with these newfound understandings? Sign up for a Connection Call today.
Ethereal Ecology 