Reducing the Dosage #31 – Cold Turkey Surprise / 10.9 mg

The Reducing the Dosage series is a collection of videos following my journey as I wean myself off of Lamotrigine (Lamictal), which is a mood stabilizer often prescribed for bipolar disorder.

Dosage (0:18-5:24): I thought I had been going down by 0.1 mg/d BUT I FORGOT TO SHAKE MY COMPOUNDED MEDICATION and effectively spent 12 days on little to no medication. This resulted in quite a terrible experience emotionally and physically. Suicidal urges and panic attacks all day long. Now that I’m back on the medication however, I feel way better and stable.

What I’ve Been Up To / How I’ve Been Feeling (5:24-10:57): While I was experiencing the Cold Turkey Surprise I was having very real suicidal thoughts and reckoning with death because I felt so terrible in my body and mind. Lots of fear had been arising and it was very isolating. I learned during this time just how intense the topic of suicide can be for people – I even had a potential therapist tell me to look elsewhere because they are not comfortable with having clients who experience suicidal urges. This ended up being an empowering and enlightening experience about claiming my reality and not feeling shameful for having intense feelings. This experience taught me that I’m worthy of love and reminded me of my strength. It also allowed me to integrate the Life/Death duality more fully.

Healing Actions I’m Taking (10:57-15:12): Kundalini Yoga, meditation, spirit guidance, energy healing and developing Higher Sense Perception, Yoga Nidra, pyramid crystals on the third eye to clear sinuses and align the brow chakra.

Next Steps / Existing Challenges (15:12): Continue taking my medication properly (woops), meditating, doing yoga, living one day at a time, opening up my nervous system and energy field to what’s possible, stay possible, keep nurturing my relationships, and clarifying my intentions.

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