A Feeling Felt

Fading into wakefulness
I pass through a membrane between worlds, from one reality to another
Finally, I open my eyes
Body glued to the mattress, just another morning
Unwilling to rise
Depression, again
(what a surprise)

Underneath the malaise is a constellation of emotions
My heart rotates like the Earth in its orbit
Stars shift, planets travel
Looking down on me in patient curiosity
“Will she finally face her fears today?”

Tears of unknown origin accumulate behind my eyes
The reason for sadness seems an inaccessible privilege, out of reach, out of touch
Yet I persist on the healing path
Hope guides me
Ideals haunt me
The past lingers
The present remains

Despite resistance, I will harness courage
I will ground myself
Soak up the sun
Strengthen my boundary
and flow, into flow again
So that I may know again
Who I am
What I’m capable of
How to feel, how to respond
With grace
and gratitude.

I am a channel for experience, so experience I must
All the gifts that emotions can bring
I will be welcoming
With arms spread wide, I sing a desperate tune:
Welcome, anger
Welcome, panic
Welcome, grief, despair, hatred
(And all the joy and laughter in-between)
I love you
I accept you
Please teach me what it means
to be alive again

Setting aside the time to Be
Allows a precious moment with Self to arise
A feeling felt
becomes Liberation

Freedom is the choice:
to Surrender.