Everything I have ever known is wrong
I am raw, infantile, and powerless beneath the weight of decision-making
What is a path but one option?
This Earth offers many —
But my mind holds many more.
Choice is a conundrum to be confronted
In the thick of judgment I am paralyzed;
For once can I simply surrender?
Somewhere in my spine I remember the truth
But is it even mine to remember?
Years and lives spent trying to solve the unsolvable
As if a question exists at all…
The brain gets such trivial satisfaction in finding “the answer,”
But life is not a multiple-choice test.
It is an infinite wellspring of opportunity, a reality to be co-created
Just yesterday I thought of myself as capable of making decisions, of co-creating this reality for peace, justice, meaning
But today the responsibility is too much to bear;
Today I am afraid.
I am afraid I have already created death and destruction simply by being alive.
I am afraid that my existence is a burden; that my goals are meaningless; that I may never truly know what is good for me, in this world and beyond
Spiritual scrolls of instruction pore through my permeable psyche, yet I can hardly find the space, the patterns of breath, the peace, the clarity, the essence of me which transcends ego
My third eye is glued shut with self-applied venom;
Can someone please help me break through?
Perhaps I am my only true guru;
Besides, it was I who has put all these people, these teachings, these books, these places, these songs, these experiences in my field as a test to what my responses imply about my innermost workings
And learned important lessons as a result
But I am stuck in-between human existence and transcendence;
Reactive to stimuli, brain wired, heart a half-open door through which I peek in anticipation of a safe escape
The view is brilliant, beautiful, inviting —
Yet the walls are lined with countless new doors, new opportunities;
What lies behind those doors?
Thoughts.
Why am I afraid to know?
Paralysis.
Intrigue loses to fear,
so I stay put.
Should we not be fearless of our Selves, at the very least?
Is my potential for evil, failure, despair too overwhelming to witness?
All the good intentions
All the bad seeds
in one place.
Karma takes me where I need to go
(or do I possess the power to redirect?)
Shallow wisdom rises:
Stop searching.
You will never find what you are looking for.
Especially if looking outward; never in.
All is simply Circumstance
All is simply Coincidence
All is Chaos, in perfect order
Great Mystery, please take these prayers where they most need to go:
That I may receive truth in its purest forms
That I may serve in the highest way
That I may trust and reconnect with innocence, letting my porcupine spines lay supine, so that I may resonate with the Divine Light, the Oneness, the Nothingness
Please release all my worry;
I no longer care to resist Bliss.
I am simultaneously on my way home and moving into the Unknown
I have no clue what to do.
So I default to:
Thank you,
Thank you,
Thank you.
Tricking my mind for the time-being until belief sinks in.
Ethereal Ecology 